Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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