And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
bring money and cleavage
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
