just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize