Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
