Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
