I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize