almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
