her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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