you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You may now shotgun with the bride
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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