Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
