just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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