How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
