when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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