Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
