??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
