God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
