I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
