im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize