i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
