dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
