I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
