Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize