Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i dont even know how to be here
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
