Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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