just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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