rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All I want is dick and wine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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