Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
