Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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