Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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