Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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