I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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