So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
