My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
