Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
