Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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