Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
