I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize