I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
