Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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