OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
