she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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