I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
