Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
