I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
