I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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