I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
