Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
