Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
