Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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