i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
