I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
