I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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