Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
