Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
