Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
