you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
