And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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