i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
