I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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