Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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