The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
