My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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