you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found your dick twin last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
