I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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