shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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