2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
