I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
