Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
