nutella sex= disaster
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i drank out of a bidet.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
