Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
