Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
