I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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