she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
