Hey man sorry I got all grabby
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
