Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
