he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize