Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
