i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
