Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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