ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
