so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is Oprah even human
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
