Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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