I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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