everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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