You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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