I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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