I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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