my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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