I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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