On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
