His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
