So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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