I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
