he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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