yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
