I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
